Fully Committed

It's been one week since my last weigh in and so I stepped on the scale this morning hoping for any glimmer of change. I had been far more active in this past week than many others before it and so I figured this could cause at least a little bit of a dent. Well I had given in to late night cravings still no matter how many days i started off well, they ended rather poorly. Today's reading popped up and I was a little bit shocked. It said I had lost 1.8 lbs. I know that isn't much but it was something so I was proud. I stepped on and off the scale to double check the reading. When I was sure it was correct I went to snap a photo for my blog here and that's when it changed. This time I had bumped it with my foot in to a different spot on the floor and it read completed different. I believe there is a soft spot on the floor in the bathroom and I must have been on it at first or something. When I moved the scale and got my new reading it said I had gained 0.6 lbs since last week which does seem a bit more accurate although disheartening. I moved the scale about 10 more times all around the bathroom rechecking my reading and it was the same over and over so I'm gonna have to assume that is my real reading. I didn't read it more than once last week so I can't be positive it was correct then, but it seems likely enough to me so I'll just assume it was.

All that being said, I knew not to expect big changes on the scale because I hadn't made big changes in my eating. I was eating better and less in the mornings and afternoons but evenings I kept crashing down around myself. I know better. I should eat a decent breakfast, lunch, and dinner with a few snacks throughout the day. I obviously have issues with controlling myself on portion sizes so it's time to go back to calorie counting and being 100% full committed to it. That is when I really lost so much was when I wrote down every single thing and counted it all up every day. So far I had only been counting in the mornings and afternoons and then stopped counting after dinner. That has to end now if I ever want to change and I do so very much want to change. I was so much happier with everything in my life when I was healthier. I am no where near that self confident and assured that I'm a good enough person for anyone or anything really anymore. Yet again, I know better, but it takes me longer to really let that sink in while I can't even control myself.

This has to be my new mantra:

That is step 1 anyways. I am hoping that once I get eating better down again that most of the other things in my way will be easier to fall in to place.

Junk food confessions

Oh Jenna Marbles.... you never fail to amuse me. I can totally relate to one of her more recent videos though and thought many of you may as well.

The line that really stuck with me most was where she said she had nothing to eat so she just grabbed a bag of croutons and ate those. Oh god... I've done that too many times in my life. Not necessarily croutons, but a random food that wasn't meant to be eaten as a meal. Sometimes I'll even just eat condiments. Wtf?! lol.

Well it's got to stop! Time to get my workout on for today but first I'm going to make my self a nice healthy and filling breakfast.

Not giving up...

I realize that I didn't post in over a month, now. I just wasn't feeling March much at all. There were some things I did better like I started parking further away and walking more while out and about. Mostly though I slipped on my eating and thats where things went downhill. Yesterday I finally got my shit together and decided enough was enough and after going through all my old clothes this weekend and seeing all the things I used to be able to wear but only for about a month or so before I found myself pregnant with Bethany, lol. It's nice to have something to aspire to. I think maybe I should hang up some of my favorite pieces around the house a bit so I can always see them and know what I'm working towards. It's a nice idea to tell myself that I wanna be healthier but ya know... I wanna feel good too and I will feel good if I look good so that's something a little more concrete for me to visualize.

My fiance has been trying to get back in shape as well. He's currently at 154 but was 128 when we first got together so I think that's where he's aiming to be. You couldn't tell by looking at him that he needs to lose anything though, he seems all bones to me. lol. I suppose the only thing different with him than before is that he used to have defined abs, now not so much but it's not like he has a huge gut in its place though either.

I was looking at my old posts from 2011 and can see that as of today, I am just 7 lbs higher than I was on April 8th, 2 years ago. If I can manage to kick myself in to high gear like I did back then I can reach my goals by a similar time as I did then. I recall finally feeling comfortable and really fantastic about where I was just about September. However I also started my plateau right about that time of year so I'm going to have to watch myself and look out for slipping back in to those habits again because I was still a good 20 lbs from my goal weight of being at the very top of a normal BMI. My recommended weight was even 20 more lbs past that but I'm not sure I'll 100% trust BMI calculators to tell me how much I should weigh so I'm not too worried about that yet.

Anyways... here's to April. Spring is here and the sun is finally showing its face more often. I was able to walk around outside in shorts yesterday and still be hot, so yay warmer weather!

April 7th 2013 (I weighed in yesterday when I started over)

Weight: 244.4 lbs (+9.2 lbs since last month)

Measurements

• Bust: 47 inches (-1.5 in)
• Waist: 47 inches (+1 in)
• Hips: 54 inches (+.5 in)
• Thighs: 29.5 inches (+.5 in)
• Calves: 18 inches (0 in)
• Neck: 14.5 inches (+.5 in)
• Arms: 16 inches (+1 in)

BMI: 40.7 (+)