Saturday, October 12, 2013

Moving on along

So my weight on the scale had kind of come to a stand still for the last 3 weigh ins in a row but today it finally decided to move! I am down over 2 lbs from last week and now under my next goal of reaching 235!  I'm 234.4 this morning.

Also wanted to share a few photos of a couple of the dresses my friend sent and I tried on last Friday but am just now getting around to posting. These are the two that look the best so far and you can see in the first one that really I just need a little less tummy ripple and its great, then the second one I just need to be able to zip it in the back. The red jacket is covering it, but it will feel better once i can zip it all the way to the top. Excuse the cluttered mirror full of old pictures of friends and other people's kids. lol. Also, notice Bethany grabbing at my feet in the last photo. haha

Then just to share my lovely face with you all... here is a picture from Thursday. :D

As far as other things in my life are going... well I honestly had several breakdowns and panic attacks and still wasn't able to eat very well. I was waking up nauseated every single morning unable to eat most of the day so I called my doctor on Monday morning to set up an appt for the nausea symptoms. Once I actually got to see him though I told him what was really going on and what I thought to be the cause was of course stress from the breakup. He was proud of me for admitting that and said most women wouldn't divulge that personal information but he was glad I did since it made diagnosing me so much easier. He feels like I have a peptic ulcer and situational depression so I got prescribed some nausea medicine that I can take as needed, prilosec to fix the ulcer, and zoloft for the depression. I've taken Zoloft once before when my son was just a baby and I had post-partum depression. I was on it for 6 months and it completely changed everything about my life, which was a really good thing. Since I had taken it before with good results he went ahead and let me take that same one again. I started it on Monday and I know it can take a few weeks to really kick in, but I do already feel relief just knowing that I've gone to get help and I'm working on myself again now.

As far as how I feel about losing my relationship, still sad it's over but no obsessing over it anymore. I'm glad that I still have him as a very close friend and great father to my daughter and man to look up to for my son, etc. The only thing that's really changed so far is our title so thinking of it like that makes it a little easier. For now I'm okay, but I know when it comes time for us to eventually start dating new people I'm gonna be jealous of any girl he sees. lol. I'll cross that bridge when we get there though and try not to worry about the future or past even. Just gotta live for right now because you never know how long you've got.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Single mama of two....

Yeah... that pretty much sums out how this past week went. My fiance called it quits. He is still a wonderful amazing man and father to my children, even Jett who isn't biologically his, and we will always have a large place for each other in our hearts and lives. That being said, I have been completely devestated by the realization that we are not right for each other as far as relationships go. Honestly, still in a bit of shock and denial that is really the case but as it was not my decision I ultimately have no say in the matter. However, I do know that no matter how much in love I am with him and still want to be with him, I know that I do not want to be with him if I cannot make him as happy as he deserves to be. That would of course not make me as happy as I deserve to be... so yeah as you can see - I'm a big ball of emotion and tangled thoughts all over the place. I don't really wanna go more in depth than that on the matter though.

I thought this situation was going to send me in to a spiral of binge eating comfort foods, however I have strangely been sick pretty much every morning and barely been able to eat much all day. I have tried to make up for not eating much or many times by eating larger calorie foods though when I do eat but I'm not really sure if that's helping balance things out for my body or not right now. I was doing so well loggin with MFP and had 15 days in a row last time I checked but I haven't logged any this week. I am about to log today's meals though and see where I'm at.

I have also been getting out of the house a little more often to go for walks and started jogging again in between walking spurts. I've noticed a huge improvement in my endurance even though its been months since I did much running but I think I can contribute it to getting cardio everyday that I work since I ride my bike to and from. Now that it is finally October and the weather is getting ready to dip back down to something breathable in, lol, I think I can finally start enjoying picking up running as a favorite hobby of mine again.

A friend of mine mailed me a ton of her favorite old dresses she is no longer able to wear and they arrived in the mail today. They could not have came at a better time with as how depressed as I've been this past week, they really cheered me up. I was pleasantly surprised that they all mostly fit already. I knew when she sent them that they were all one size smaller than I'm currently wearing and one of them is even 2 sizes smaller. I didn't try on that one because I know it will be way too tight right now, but the others looks well in most all places except for a little bit of belly pooch. It wasn't anywhere near as drastic as I thought it would be though and it looks to me like I could be able to wear these dresses out in public within the next month or so with some hard work on my part. I really needed that boost of confidence to help me stay on track during such a trying time in my life.

I'm not sure how things are going to turn out in the next several weeks or how my feelings will sway so please say a prayer or wish me luck or something because all I really know is that I need a lot of support from friends right now. <3 p="">