Yeah... that pretty much sums out how this past week went. My fiance called it quits. He is still a wonderful amazing man and father to my children, even Jett who isn't biologically his, and we will always have a large place for each other in our hearts and lives. That being said, I have been completely devestated by the realization that we are not right for each other as far as relationships go. Honestly, still in a bit of shock and denial that is really the case but as it was not my decision I ultimately have no say in the matter. However, I do know that no matter how much in love I am with him and still want to be with him, I know that I do not want to be with him if I cannot make him as happy as he deserves to be. That would of course not make me as happy as I deserve to be... so yeah as you can see - I'm a big ball of emotion and tangled thoughts all over the place. I don't really wanna go more in depth than that on the matter though.
I thought this situation was going to send me in to a spiral of binge eating comfort foods, however I have strangely been sick pretty much every morning and barely been able to eat much all day. I have tried to make up for not eating much or many times by eating larger calorie foods though when I do eat but I'm not really sure if that's helping balance things out for my body or not right now. I was doing so well loggin with MFP and had 15 days in a row last time I checked but I haven't logged any this week. I am about to log today's meals though and see where I'm at.
I have also been getting out of the house a little more often to go for walks and started jogging again in between walking spurts. I've noticed a huge improvement in my endurance even though its been months since I did much running but I think I can contribute it to getting cardio everyday that I work since I ride my bike to and from. Now that it is finally October and the weather is getting ready to dip back down to something breathable in, lol, I think I can finally start enjoying picking up running as a favorite hobby of mine again.
A friend of mine mailed me a ton of her favorite old dresses she is no longer able to wear and they arrived in the mail today. They could not have came at a better time with as how depressed as I've been this past week, they really cheered me up. I was pleasantly surprised that they all mostly fit already. I knew when she sent them that they were all one size smaller than I'm currently wearing and one of them is even 2 sizes smaller. I didn't try on that one because I know it will be way too tight right now, but the others looks well in most all places except for a little bit of belly pooch. It wasn't anywhere near as drastic as I thought it would be though and it looks to me like I could be able to wear these dresses out in public within the next month or so with some hard work on my part. I really needed that boost of confidence to help me stay on track during such a trying time in my life.
I'm not sure how things are going to turn out in the next several weeks or how my feelings will sway so please say a prayer or wish me luck or something because all I really know is that I need a lot of support from friends right now. <3 p="">3>