It's been one week since my last weigh in and so I stepped on the scale this morning hoping for any glimmer of change. I had been far more active in this past week than many others before it and so I figured this could cause at least a little bit of a dent. Well I had given in to late night cravings still no matter how many days i started off well, they ended rather poorly. Today's reading popped up and I was a little bit shocked. It said I had lost 1.8 lbs. I know that isn't much but it was something so I was proud. I stepped on and off the scale to double check the reading. When I was sure it was correct I went to snap a photo for my blog here and that's when it changed. This time I had bumped it with my foot in to a different spot on the floor and it read completed different. I believe there is a soft spot on the floor in the bathroom and I must have been on it at first or something. When I moved the scale and got my new reading it said I had gained 0.6 lbs since last week which does seem a bit more accurate although disheartening. I moved the scale about 10 more times all around the bathroom rechecking my reading and it was the same over and over so I'm gonna have to assume that is my real reading. I didn't read it more than once last week so I can't be positive it was correct then, but it seems likely enough to me so I'll just assume it was.
All that being said, I knew not to expect big changes on the scale because I hadn't made big changes in my eating. I was eating better and less in the mornings and afternoons but evenings I kept crashing down around myself. I know better. I should eat a decent breakfast, lunch, and dinner with a few snacks throughout the day. I obviously have issues with controlling myself on portion sizes so it's time to go back to calorie counting and being 100% full committed to it. That is when I really lost so much was when I wrote down every single thing and counted it all up every day. So far I had only been counting in the mornings and afternoons and then stopped counting after dinner. That has to end now if I ever want to change and I do so very much want to change. I was so much happier with everything in my life when I was healthier. I am no where near that self confident and assured that I'm a good enough person for anyone or anything really anymore. Yet again, I know better, but it takes me longer to really let that sink in while I can't even control myself.
This has to be my new mantra:
That is step 1 anyways. I am hoping that once I get eating better down again that most of the other things in my way will be easier to fall in to place.