I get a text from a guy I know who mentions yet again how he adores my face and that while he's glad I'm getting healthy and changing for the better, he is pleased that my face, while slimmer has not changed all that much. He's mentioned this several times in the last few weeks about how my face has always been his favorite feature of mine and so this time after thanking him, I ask why he never told me so before now. This was his response:
"Idk. Never really thought about it. it's kinda complicated. it had to do with the weight you had put on. If I say, your face is definitely my favorite feature, it sometimes leads down a road where we discuss the rest of you, and that wouldn't make me real comfortable because I don't lie."
My initial thought was, oh, that makes perfect sense so I said 'fair enough' but then almost immediately I thought, well but at least it would have been someone. Not a single person had the balls to stop me even just once and say hey Jennifer, I think you have a problem and it's only getting worse.
I do greatly appreciate him not voicing his opinion on the matter when not asked about it though, because honestly - He's a guy. Hearing that from the opposite sex probably would have crushed me back then. I wasn't near as strong minded as I am now. It would have been nice to hear from any of my female friends though. I won't say that I wouldn't have been offended initially, because that would have totally been the case, but I think in the long run I would have thanked them for noticing and caring enough about me to say something.
Which brings me to where I am now... I am happy and on my way to healthy and in the position to offer words of encouragement and advice along with telling someone I care enough to notice they're having issues with their weight. But still... I am scared to death of hurting someone's feelings and possibly sending them in the opposite direction of depression and anger and gaining even more weight. It's so tricky and hard to figure out just how involved to get in to the lives of the ones you love. But given even the slightest chance to bring it up, you better believe I will do it! If someone happens to make a comment about how they can't wear certain things anymore or they wish they could do this or that, I will be there to say hey... you know... I was that person at one time, too and I know that you can change and I will even help you in any way I know how.
Anyways... I guess those are my thoughts on that matter. How about you guys? Do you ever think there is a right or wrong time to say something? Do you wish someone had said something to you sooner? Did someone say something to you? How did you react? I wanna know people!!
Which brings me to where I am now... I am happy and on my way to healthy and in the position to offer words of encouragement and advice along with telling someone I care enough to notice they're having issues with their weight. But still... I am scared to death of hurting someone's feelings and possibly sending them in the opposite direction of depression and anger and gaining even more weight. It's so tricky and hard to figure out just how involved to get in to the lives of the ones you love. But given even the slightest chance to bring it up, you better believe I will do it! If someone happens to make a comment about how they can't wear certain things anymore or they wish they could do this or that, I will be there to say hey... you know... I was that person at one time, too and I know that you can change and I will even help you in any way I know how.
Anyways... I guess those are my thoughts on that matter. How about you guys? Do you ever think there is a right or wrong time to say something? Do you wish someone had said something to you sooner? Did someone say something to you? How did you react? I wanna know people!!
As for an update on me... well I am doing fantastic... down again after and amazing weekend. I'm now weighing in at 180 lbs! I also donated blood on Saturday and feel so awesome becuase that was the first time in my life I have had a high enough iron count or whatever it's called to be able to donate!! I've tried several times in the past and apparently been not healthy enough, so huge NSV for me!!
In other news... I chopped off 13 inches of my hair and dyed the rest bright red! ;)
In other news... I chopped off 13 inches of my hair and dyed the rest bright red! ;)
Wow girl, that is a lot of hair gone!
ReplyDeleteThat's a really hard question, I've never been asked about gaining weight or anything cause I was always fat. I always loved to eat and as I got older and things started happening and emotions starting coming through stronger I just kept eating. So I guess no one talked to me or asked me or anything cause they just figured I was always that way and I was always going to be that way. The only reason I started loosing weight was because of my doctor saying that I was overweight and showing my a chart of my weigh ins every time I would go to the doctor which showed basically a straight line going up.
ReplyDelete@LGM Barbie
ReplyDeleteI have been slowly gaining weight and being considered fat since the time I was 8 years old. I guess most people thought it was the norm for me too. Most of my adult life I was in the 220-230 range but after getting pregnant I was up to 264, delivered and lost 20 immediately but then sat at home for the next year and skyrocketed to an all time high of 284 so i definitely pack on a whole lot at once the past couple years but I think being fat most of my life probably contributed to people not wanting to bring it up to me either. I don't have a doctor I see regularly so it's never been brought up at the doctor's office ever either!
Wow it is so crazy that your blogging about this subject because my friend and I had been talking about this tonight on the phone. I was telling her that there is this girl at my work who is over weight and everyone's like " Eww did you see how much she ate for lunch?" or "Do you see how big she is getting?". I'm like well I used to be her. RUDE!!!! Anyways my friend that I was talking to said that she had a friend that is bigger that I used to be and she tries to encourage her to eat healthy. It made me think back when I was bigger....
ReplyDeleteEvery time my boyfriend would say "I'm concerned about your health". I would get really defensive because I thought that meant that he didn't like how I looked. I would say "Fine why don't you just find a skinny girlfriend!" I've learned now that he really likes how I look at any size but he didn't want me to be insecure about myself like I was. When I finally realized that then we started a health journey together and I stopped taking things so personally.
I love your hair! You look AMAZING as a red head and the cut looks so great on you.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the question, I've been told I need to lose weight before. It hurt really bad. I took offense to it. Not because they told me, but because they were right. I did need to lose weight. But they told me at a time that I was going through a really rough moment of my life. Which didn't help. I would make sure if you do tell anyone, consider what they're going through before telling them. I've also told a good friend of mine that she should lose some weight, and I offered to let her do it with me. She gave me excuses that she wanted to start after her birthday or the holidays this year. I told her if she kept making "dates" on when she would "start" that she would keep putting it off and never get it started. She seemed to understand, so we shall see!
Exaclty, It's very hard to know when is the perfect time to bring it up though. If you aren't living with the person and seeing them everyday then how could you possibly know what they are going through in their life? I would hope that if you were sensible about it and brought it up in an encouraging matter offering ways of how they could approach the problem instead of just pointing it out, that would be the best way I think.
ReplyDeleteI have had plenty of people approach me asking for help and I have offered all sorts of advice and while some are taking it, lots have just said oh okay i'll get on that on this other day or that day. And keep putting it off and putting it off as well. I used to put it off and put it off so much myself too until the one day I just said enough is enough and today I am starting and I will continue to do something every single day until I fix me!
ohhhhh how about White Lightning?????.....that sounds cool for a team name!!!!
ReplyDeleteGood luck on the C25K, and Shrinkvivor!!!
Family has mentioned my weight on and off for some time. Even before I was obese my mom mentioned me having seconds. Back then i was basically 10 pounds over my healthy BMI so I didn't appreciate it and it actually further compounded my issue with weight. now that i weight 120 over the weight i was when she bugged me i am married now and deal with it from my husband. But I totally get what you are saying. But in the moment, you don't appreciate it and until you decide to do something I don't think any amount of someone telling you you need to stop eating and stop gaining will actually help you. I think someone saying, "i love you and am concerned about your health" is good, but that is all they can really do because I have found people saying too much doesn't do what it is intended to do, it just usually makes people hurt or mad.
ReplyDelete@Courtney G.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about the 'i love you and i'm concerned about you' approach which is of course where im coming from. Though I also know its hard to tell anyone what direction to take in their life, weight related or not. We all have to live and learn from our own mistakes. Its great if you can learn from others, but most wont. I just want to grab people and shake them sometimes and say wake up! But I know it wont help. Again speaking about not only people with weight issues, but like people stuck in bad abusive relationships and other such things you hate to see your friends go through and you want to help so bad.
As far as ever being in a normal BMI range, last time I was that small I was like 8 years old so I never really dealt with being small and being told I was too big then. But one of my best friends is 120 lbs on a fat day and she does deal with that from people sometimes. I know it can be just as detrimental.