Mmmmm breakfast!

I made an omelet yesterday that was sooo freaking delicious. I've never really been a fan of omelets before because they usually include things like onions or bell peppers that i can't stand. But when you make your own, it can be anything I guess. Well I used liquid egg whites and ham and cheese to make my omelet. It was the best breakfast ever! And only 95 calories for the entire omelet! I used 6 tablespoons of egg whites since it said 25 calories for 3 tablespoons. About 30 calories worth of shredded colby and monterey cheese and 1 slice of lunchmeat type ham. The package said 4 slices was 60 calories so 1 has to be 15. With about 10 grapes around 24 calories there makes 119 calories for the whole breakfast!




I had the same thing for breakfast today because it's just too good! and sooo easy!

About freaking time!!

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm 219 today!!!! finally!!!




i also outswam some skinnier friends of mine today at the lake and the pool. they were all out of breath walking up the stairs to the slide and then climbing up the iceberg thing and swimming across the lake they had to stop and breathe and... going up the hill on the way back they were panting. i didnt say anything to them but on the inside i was flipping out because this time last year i was panting like that too and out of breath right away but i didnt even break a sweat and was able to pull myself up out of the water in the lake on to the floats with my arms and same in the pool was able to pull myself up over the edge from the deep end just using my arms. i was ecstatic. i totally couldnt do that for the longest time. haha YAY! today has been good.

Wise words from a friend.

If you don't raise your voice, who will listen? If you don't model what is good, who fill follow? If you don't love yourself, who else can? There are plenty of chances to mimic what you see in the world, but take a different route, be everything you wish to see in others. You will become a beacon for those who are lost without their own direction, and give them strength to be themselves. The world needs you, reach out.

-----

A friend who often writes encouraging messages shedding light on how we should all strive to live better for ourselves and for others had this message to share with his friends today. It's by far one of my favorites. I think thats becuase its the lesson that hits closest to home for me at this point in my life. I'm learning to speak up and to not just sit back and let the world happen around me. I need to be the change I want to see. And I have most definitely learned by writing here and on a few other places about my journey that the more you share what you're going through, the more you will find that everyone else can easily relate to you and gives them the strength to carry on in their journeys as well. <3

I threw a temper tantrum today.

I'm not proud... But dammit I wanted to be 219 lbs today sooo bad. I have been 220 lbs the last 4 days now. Yesterday I was 220.0 lbs so i thought for sure i could be at least 219.9 if I ate well and exercised like i should and then i even did extra. I biked 3.5 miles around my neighborhood!! Ughhhh. I was 220.9 lbs today... I went up 0.9 lbs after being soo good yesterday! WTF?! I was so pissed I threw my Wii controller when i saw that number and then dropped to my knees ready to cry... but I couldn't quite bring myself to tears. I was too frustrated to even do that much. I just felt disgusted in myself and completely defeated. Which is stupid because i mean.. hell it wasn't even 1 full pound and you can easily fluctuate between 1-2 lbs in your weight throughout the day depending on different factors like how much water you just drank or if you've gone to the restroom yet or not.

I know its dumb to be upset over something so insignificant... I just want it sooo bad. After picking myself back up I decided screw waiting until day 11 to start level 2, so I did level 2 today on day 9 instead. My body is obviously rejecting 8 days straight of level 1 so its time to change it up and keep on moving. At first I was upset and decided screw it I'm going to eat a sandwich with pizza flavored chips and not care how many i ate. I knew that wouldn't get me anywhere though, so I measured it out and made sure I was within calorie range and at lunch my sister and her kids are all here so everyone was having hot dogs on big fluffy buns with all sorts of new flavors of chips, but I passed it all up for my protein shake instead. I'm not going to let the scale dictate how my journey is going completely. I know its an important part, but it shouldn't be so important it screws up your whole day or anything. I know they bought root beer and ice cream to make floats later, but i'll probably just have some small pre-portioned dessert low in calories so i don't indulge in that. I don't want soda anymore anyways.


As for how level 2 of the 30 day shred was... it went better than expected. Don't get me wrong, it was still VERY HARD, but I was able to do a lot more than I originally thought I would be able to. I feel really good about starting it today and hope it helps me out as much as the first level did at first.

Self Control

So last night my family decided to take me out to a new chinese resturaunt in town and I knew it was going to be a challenge. They've been talking wanting to go there for weeks so I was expecting it to happen any day now and as my mom came home yesterday morning declaring she didnt have to work this thursday i figured that yesterday was most likely going to be the day. Well I ate well all throughout the day without limiting myself too much just like it was any regular day and by the time dinner rolled around i was right at 800 calories for the day so i knew i only had 400-600 left to consume. I have no idea how many calories are in chinese sauces and foods and stuff but i did my best at guessing and keeping my plate as balanced as i could. There was a mongolian grill where you got to pick raw meats and veggies and hand them over so they could cook it right then and there for you. That was the best thing in the entire place. Their buffet was actually kinda dry and looked like it had been sitting there all day long. bleh. So luckily it was easy for me to just look at some things and say ohhh helll no i dont think so! I did enjoy a small bit of food from the mongolian grill though and oh man that was soo delicious! I think next time we go there, thats probably the only food i will be eating! All in all, I think I did extremely well considering all my past trips to chinese resturaunts. I remember the last time I went out to eat with my family at our favorite chinese place and stepping on the scale next day i was up 5 lbs!!! I have been working way too hard for way too long to get over this hump and out of the 220s so I stuck to my guns and didnt over indulge this time. I drank tons of water and sat patiently waiting for my family to finish their 3 and 4 plates of scrumptious foods and ice cream and everything.. trying not to drool too much. lol. It wasnt as much torture as I thought it would be though. Although my eyes were still huge and begging for more food, my tummy was actually full so I knew if i did try to squeeze anything else in there I'd have to run to the bathroom just to make room. lol.

Anyways... I am very proud to say that not only did I not gain a single pound yesterday, I still lost 0.7 lb! I did day 7 of the shred and 30 mins of morning cardio and then just before bed last night to make absolute sure i was taking care of any possible extra calories consumed at dinner i went ahead and did 20 more minutes of cardio.


As far as my weight goes... I am still at 220 lbs. My scale is being a huge tease to me!!! I have been 220 point something the last 2 days and today i was 220.0, so tomorrow i am determined to see that scale say at least 219.9 at the highest!! lol. I think my body is learning to adapt to my routines a lot faster than I anticipated. I think its got level 1 of the shred down so its burning less calories and not working as hard since its used to it, i can't wait for day 11 to get here now. When i start level 2, I am hoping it really jumpstarts my body and kicks it back in to high gear. I think after I finish doing the shred I am going to have to try and change my routine at least every week if not more often, just to stay on top of things. I don't mind of course, but I didn't really know this before and I'm learning as I go what works for me. I think this is going to work and do wonders for my metabolism, etc... I can only hope anyways. :)

Six pounds in a week - not water weight!

OMG!!! 220 today!! That's 6 lbs down since last wednesday. Besides the water weight when i first started this journey way back in January, 6 lbs is by far the most weight lost in one week for me. Holy hell I'm excited. lol. I wore a belt yesterday that i bought end of march. I've already moved down 2 notches the last couple months and yesterday i moved down a 3rd notch! haha. Today is day 6 of the shred. Since starting that on Friday I am down 5 lbs and that includes going up 1 lb on saturday then coming back down. lol.

i am so stoked. also a little scared though to see how hard level 2 will be in just a few more days. but nothing will stop me from continuing!

Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred!

So I've tried this workout a few times before just to see how it was but still kept switching things up and doing other workouts... well on Friday I decided to finally commit to doing 30 days straight of the shred. Today was day 4... I have been feeling the burn in my abs everyday and my legs hurt so good while I'm working out too. Its only 20 minutes and I thought that wasn't going to be able to do much for me... but I've lost at least a pound a day everyday so far. Talk about fast results! I've never seen the Biggest Loser before... but this Jillian lady really knows what the hell she's talking about! Interval training is where its at. lol.

This is a picture of me today after my workout. I was all sweaty and a little red. I was shocked to notice I could actually see my collarbone! lol.

Push, push, and push some more.

So many of us feel stuck, most definitely me! But if I just keep pushing, eventually, something has got to give. I have not been pushing as hard as I should have these last few days. Other things have been on my mind. I have managed to eat right though and so I havent gained any weight. Been maintaining my weight, so I'm happy with that much. However I know it is not time for me to just give up and settle. I feel like my body is stuck there though. Its like HEY! you got back down to where you were, to where you've missed being at for years now, isn't this enough?! Give me a break! And its really hard not to listen to your body. Like Marlee was saying in her blog about it being the toddler who threw a tantrum and you just tend to give in to what it wants.. well I'm gonna put my foot down and say no. I am the adult and my mind is in charge. I say what goes and when enough is enough. I've only just begun and its going to get rough, but I won't give up. I will continue to push and to push until there is no more pushing to do. And even then I will still push myself hard enough to at least maintain. They are right when they say its hard to maintain. Being a little more sedentary lately, I've felt that boredom creep up on me and bored hunger begins.. I've had to find other things to do just so I didnt grab that extra fatty snack I didn't really need, or made sure I grabbed a bag of carrots instead of chips to crunch away on.

I came to the realization last night that maybe I am scared to move forward. maybe that is why things are kind of at a stand still with my weight currently. Maybe that's true... but there is nothing to be afraid of except not trying to better myself when I know I can. So today I woke up and did my cardio right away. I ate well and did my workouts. I feel good. I'm down a pound from yesterday and am hoping to continue the hard work this weekend. Just one day at a time. I can do this. We all can. Now is the time to show it.

4 months!!

Well its that time again folks... Time for my monthly weigh in with pictures and measurements!

I've been going up and down fluctuating the last week or so but at 4 months I think its safe to say I've reached 50 lbs down. I am so proud of how far I've come. I am finally back to the weight I was before I got pregnant. Now I know the hardest road is ahead of me. Making it down under the weight I've been most of my adult life. Out of the 220s and on down until I get to 'One'derland with that coveted 199 scale reading. I know I can do it with support from my friends and family and followers. I love you guys and thanks so much for all the words of encouragement so far.

Starting measurement > Newest one > Amount lost

Bust - 51 in > 44.5 in > 5 in
Waist - 53 in > 45 in > 8 in
Hips - 58 in > 51 in > 7 in
Arms - 17 in > 15 in > 2 in
Thighs - 31 in > 27 in > 4 in
Calves - 19.5 in > 17.75 in > 1.75 in
Neck - 16.5 > 14.5 > 2 in

So I'm down in all my measurements since last month except for my neck. But thats alright. I can wear necklaces i wasnt able to for awhile there now so im good with that for now and I know it'll eventually have to go down. I'm very pleased to see 2 more inches in the waist and 3/4 of an inch more down in the calves. They didnt change for so long so its great to see them starting to do something. My calves were really burning today too, did my kickboxing dvd all 50 minutes of it and also rode my bike pulling jett in the trailer behind me on two different occasions todaay.

Well anyways... here are my pics. I am seeing the most difference probably in my back and side pictures.

Learning from my mistakes...

or at least I hope I am! haha.

I went down a few pounds and then back up a couple pounds and today I was back down again. I think a lot of my problem was that I was watching what I eat too much and not quite making 1000 calories. Which I know better, I know that is not good. So I'm working a lot harder to stay between 1200-1400 per day. Not over and not under.

I worked my butt off today and I ate between 1200-1400 too so I have no doubts that the scale will be down again tomorrow. :)

Took my son for a ride in his little bike trailer I pull behind the bike as I pedal it around the neighborhood. Spent about half an hour going around some places I hadnt been on the bike before. At one point I saw a huge hill and though oooh that looks like fun so I went to it. Then got about 10 ft down the hill and almost jumped off the bike because i immediately felt it pick up soo much speed and it was a very windy road so I knew it was abad decision and that I could easily reach really high speeds and chunk myself into a tree or worse. Luckily I was able to throw both feet down and turned off into the ditch to stop myself before going too far. The bike does have brakes on it but for some dumb reason that wasnt my first instinct. lol. So anyways.. after I almost scared myself into a heart attack I stuck to mostly flat roads the rest of the way. haha. Jett kept hollering about wanting to go swimming so we pedaled home and changed clothes, ate some lunch then got back on the bike and road over to the lake. Swam for like 2 hours and apparently baked in the dang sun. I didnt realize it since I didnt turn red until several hours later and I'm only just now beginning to feel the pain. I am sooo bright red though. its crazy. lol. Biked back home and made sure I still got a workout in after dinner. So anyways... pretty sure I got plenty of exercise today. Boy am I tired!

We're going to Hurricane Harbor tomorrow for opening day so I better get some rest! Night guys! :)

A MUST READ for anyone on a journey to healthy living

OMG I seriously just found the best thing ever that I think every single one of you need to read. Its an amazing view on how to approach a journey to healthy living very realistically!

http://marleeindebt.blogspot.com/2011/05/ive-been-reading-lot-of-blogs-lately.html

I believe that this blogger has put it in to a perspective that is not only brilliant but mind altering, in a good way!

50 lbs down and met another goal!!

I actually did this on Friday, but I went out of town shortly after my weigh-in and didn't have a chance to update.

But man... I feel amazing!!!

I reached 223 lbs and so that put me exactly at 50 lbs down and i surpassed my next short term goal of being 225 lbs which is how much I weighed before I got pregnant with Jett.

I can now fit in to all the old clothes that I held on to. I have a lot of shirts and a few swimsuits and dresses that I couldn't wear but couldnt bear to let go of either. Well now I can wear them and it feels great!! I got rid of all my old jeans though so I'm still wearing super baggy pants for now, haha.


To be completely honest with myself though, I have gone back up a few pounds since then. Like I said, I went out of town. Well I didn't have any extra time for exercise and I ate what was given to me since I was staying with friends all weekend and wasn't about to start demanding they only feed me certain foods at certain times, lol. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and had a wonderful weekend so I let my eating and exercising habits slide for the last couple days. Now that I'm back home though I am counting calories again and working my butt off to sweat off those extra pounds. I don't feel too terrible about the gain because I feel like I really deserved to have this weekend just be enjoyable and completely carefree. I know that if I want good results then I need to put in the work of course, but a break every once in a while is not going to completely kill my plans or motivation to continue this because I refuse to let it. I am taking my time to do things the right way and so if I slip a little on the way I think that's only natural and stressing out over it will not help me out in the long run.

I still wanted to make this update about reaching 50 lbs dropped and my next goal though becuase I did work really hard to get there and don't feel that I shouldn't share that accomplishment just because I tripped up a little after getting there.

Vlogging!

Alright so I finally got a chance to do my first vlog... here's hoping this not only helps me but someone else too. :)

Bittersweet motivation

Haha.... so today I got some very unexpected yet strangely powerful motivation to get my ass in gear and workout extra hard today. I ran in to an ex boyfriend who now weighs far less than he did when we were together, and I suspect he could very well weigh a little bit less than I do right now.

Now the rumormill tells me he did it very unhealthily, through drugs and other bad things. However, that doesnt really change the fact that I thought damn... he looked kinda good. lol. But maybe my views are skewed becuase some friends of mine, and also my dad said they noticed he lost a bit of weight, but thought he was looking kinda withered away. Maybe thats because he was a big muscle-y type guy in the first place and so you can't really see those muscles anymore. I don't know how those opinions were formed really. But nonetheless. He's skinnier than me dammit and I just can't have that.

So today during my kickboxing I found myself with a smile creeping across my face every time I threw a punch or flicked a kick and thinking TAKE THAT! bwahahaha.

The mind is a crazy place... but whatever works I guess. :)


Anyways.. AF showed up a few days ago and of course I bloated up a bit and was up a few pounds over the weekend but as she's slowing leaving I'm getting back in to the swing of things and am now down to 226 lbs. Only 1 lb away from my next short term goal! I'm thrilled! This time when AF showed up I was a little more ready for her and decided that as long as I still ate perfectly well then I could ease up a bit on my exercising for the first couple days and I did just that. I didn't do any of my dvd's. I simply ran around outside with my son and my nephews. We went bowling one day and bike riding on both days. My son got a new cart/stroller thing that attaches to the back of my bicycle so I can pull him around on that while i pedal around the neighborhood. He loves it so its win/win! lol.


In other news, I am going to start a youtube account soon to share my journey to a healthier lifestyle and show my body to the world so they can follow right on along. I wavered back and forth on this decision for a while now but after talking to some friends and viewing some other videos already out there I decided this is something I really want to do. It will help keep me focused and hopefully help at least one other person be confident enough to see that they too can change for the better. I am scared to show a belly of my current size to the whole world. But I kinda feel it's necessary. I want to be able to see the difference fully from start to finish and show people that there are others out there who look just like them. I know there will be ugly rude comments from ignorant jerks, but I'm a big girl and I can handle it. Hopefully the positive will outweigh the negative. My only regret is that I didn't start this back in January too. I do still have several more months to go though so I think its okay to go ahead and get started now.

Desiderata

-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --


Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.


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A friend shared this poem with me today while I was going through some self doubt and questioning... This poem was exactly what I needed to hear. <3