Saturday, May 28, 2011

I threw a temper tantrum today.

I'm not proud... But dammit I wanted to be 219 lbs today sooo bad. I have been 220 lbs the last 4 days now. Yesterday I was 220.0 lbs so i thought for sure i could be at least 219.9 if I ate well and exercised like i should and then i even did extra. I biked 3.5 miles around my neighborhood!! Ughhhh. I was 220.9 lbs today... I went up 0.9 lbs after being soo good yesterday! WTF?! I was so pissed I threw my Wii controller when i saw that number and then dropped to my knees ready to cry... but I couldn't quite bring myself to tears. I was too frustrated to even do that much. I just felt disgusted in myself and completely defeated. Which is stupid because i mean.. hell it wasn't even 1 full pound and you can easily fluctuate between 1-2 lbs in your weight throughout the day depending on different factors like how much water you just drank or if you've gone to the restroom yet or not.

I know its dumb to be upset over something so insignificant... I just want it sooo bad. After picking myself back up I decided screw waiting until day 11 to start level 2, so I did level 2 today on day 9 instead. My body is obviously rejecting 8 days straight of level 1 so its time to change it up and keep on moving. At first I was upset and decided screw it I'm going to eat a sandwich with pizza flavored chips and not care how many i ate. I knew that wouldn't get me anywhere though, so I measured it out and made sure I was within calorie range and at lunch my sister and her kids are all here so everyone was having hot dogs on big fluffy buns with all sorts of new flavors of chips, but I passed it all up for my protein shake instead. I'm not going to let the scale dictate how my journey is going completely. I know its an important part, but it shouldn't be so important it screws up your whole day or anything. I know they bought root beer and ice cream to make floats later, but i'll probably just have some small pre-portioned dessert low in calories so i don't indulge in that. I don't want soda anymore anyways.

As for how level 2 of the 30 day shred was... it went better than expected. Don't get me wrong, it was still VERY HARD, but I was able to do a lot more than I originally thought I would be able to. I feel really good about starting it today and hope it helps me out as much as the first level did at first.

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