Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Bittersweet motivation

Haha.... so today I got some very unexpected yet strangely powerful motivation to get my ass in gear and workout extra hard today. I ran in to an ex boyfriend who now weighs far less than he did when we were together, and I suspect he could very well weigh a little bit less than I do right now.

Now the rumormill tells me he did it very unhealthily, through drugs and other bad things. However, that doesnt really change the fact that I thought damn... he looked kinda good. lol. But maybe my views are skewed becuase some friends of mine, and also my dad said they noticed he lost a bit of weight, but thought he was looking kinda withered away. Maybe thats because he was a big muscle-y type guy in the first place and so you can't really see those muscles anymore. I don't know how those opinions were formed really. But nonetheless. He's skinnier than me dammit and I just can't have that.

So today during my kickboxing I found myself with a smile creeping across my face every time I threw a punch or flicked a kick and thinking TAKE THAT! bwahahaha.

The mind is a crazy place... but whatever works I guess. :)

Anyways.. AF showed up a few days ago and of course I bloated up a bit and was up a few pounds over the weekend but as she's slowing leaving I'm getting back in to the swing of things and am now down to 226 lbs. Only 1 lb away from my next short term goal! I'm thrilled! This time when AF showed up I was a little more ready for her and decided that as long as I still ate perfectly well then I could ease up a bit on my exercising for the first couple days and I did just that. I didn't do any of my dvd's. I simply ran around outside with my son and my nephews. We went bowling one day and bike riding on both days. My son got a new cart/stroller thing that attaches to the back of my bicycle so I can pull him around on that while i pedal around the neighborhood. He loves it so its win/win! lol.

In other news, I am going to start a youtube account soon to share my journey to a healthier lifestyle and show my body to the world so they can follow right on along. I wavered back and forth on this decision for a while now but after talking to some friends and viewing some other videos already out there I decided this is something I really want to do. It will help keep me focused and hopefully help at least one other person be confident enough to see that they too can change for the better. I am scared to show a belly of my current size to the whole world. But I kinda feel it's necessary. I want to be able to see the difference fully from start to finish and show people that there are others out there who look just like them. I know there will be ugly rude comments from ignorant jerks, but I'm a big girl and I can handle it. Hopefully the positive will outweigh the negative. My only regret is that I didn't start this back in January too. I do still have several more months to go though so I think its okay to go ahead and get started now.

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