I don't have any real plans for the rest of the weekend or anything, I'm just excited its another weekend, which means its almost another week... and right now every day is exciting to me. Each new day is another chance to improve. To get one step closer to living the life I want to live. To being proud of myself and succeeding for once at something that means so much.
I did go out with a friend last night though. We saw a movie and afterwards they asked if I wanted to grab a bite to eat. I declined, and although that seems like an easy enough thing to do. It's not. I'f you've ever been addicted to food like me, then you know that just that simple word 'No' is a huge amount of progress. Not only have I been addicted to food though, I have a very suggestive personality. If my friends say hey do you wanna go bowling or skating - I'm never the one to make the decision. I love them both. But if they say hey you wanna go bowling. I say sure. Then they say hey you wanna go skating instead, I say sure. I am one of the most agreeable people you'll ever meet. I do have some common sense of course and don't just agree to jump off bridges or completely do something idiotic. But there is a very fine line between what is and isn't safe to agree to anymore. I knew it was a bad idea when I started smoking, but my friends just being friendly kept offering me smokes whenever they'd lite up forgetting that I was one of the only non smoker friends around, and I eventually said sure and became addicted for a small period of my life. I am lucky to have been able to quit both times that I did. I hope it never becomes something I have to quit 3 times. But with eating, I never realized all the harm I was doing to my body by agreeing to stop and eat some junk food late at night at some fast food place. This is something I used to do all the time anytime I'd go out with friends. Especially because I live in a very small town and that is one of the only things to do here. Go eat.
So simply saying No to that question last night was not simple at all. I fought back the words of 'I changed my mind' several times. He hadnt eaten most of the day so I offered to go ahead and drive him to pick something up and he said he wanted to go to Taco Bell. OMG, I love Taco Bell! I haven't eaten there in a good 6 months or so. I fought harder to not want to get something. He offered to pay for my food if I wanted something a few more times after we got there and all the pictures on the menu were tearing me up on the inside. But I took a few deep breaths and cleared my mind. I knew this is not something I wanted to do to myself. I knew there was nothing on their menu that I could eat and not feel guilty about later. I knew I owed it to myself, to my son, and to my friends who are all supporting me to stay on track and make the right decision. Thank you all for helping me with this. I know you weren't there last night to tell me it was a bad idea, but your were there in my thoughts and keeping me strong. I said No and No again, with each time, it got easier. I did feel a little bad about not taking him up on his offer, but no where near as bad as I would feel today if I had given up on myself at that moment. Today I am proud and that was just one small hurdle. I know there will be many more to come. But bring them on because I am ready. :)
And last but not least... I am happy to seemingly be inspiring to others. Today I got this message from a new friend on facebook
Kim: Geez I need you as inspiration to help me drop weight.
Jen: aww. well here i am! what can i do to help? :)
Kim: Well Idk I gotta think about that. Maybe I can start txting u so I can get motivated on Monday?
Jen: not a problem - ***-***-****